The first 3 months, a near death experience.

Life with newborn twins isn't as dramatic as seeing a light at the end of a tunnel or nearly being hit by a car... but it is close. While it was over a year ago I still remember the feeling of total exhaustion, hunger and maddening frustration. When one of the twins wasn't crying, eating, or pooping my attention was consumed by a sweet little girl who'd once had me all to herself. Looking back she handled it like a champ and I'm incredibly proud of her.

All mothers have felt so overwhelmed that they're brought to tears. For me, I felt that for 3+ months and still have days equally chaotic. It was like I'd been pushed beyond my limit, given way too much to handle and I couldn't do anything but move forward. I cried often simply to release the frustration. After a few weeks of chaos and finally I just broke. I sat on the couch sobbing to Logan telling him I just couldn't do it anymore. It was impossible. While I could see he wanted to help I knew that there was nothing he could ultimately do so he just listened and I fell apart. Now being the multi-tasker I am I had this epic breakdown while simultaneously opening the mail. While I had no tiem to pay the bills it was always nice to see they'd arrived and add them to the stack. This particular day I received something I didn't expect but would change me.

One of the pieces was a card from my Grandma Swanson and inside was a little fortune out of a fortune cookie. The fortune said 'June' on one side below the lottery numbers, numbers looking back should have been played. I'm sure Grandma sent me this because she thought it was neat that it said my daughter's and my aunt's name. On the other side if this little piece of paper (delivered from God through my Grandma) said "It is possible because it is necessary". That was the first time I cried tears of joy since I'd left the hospital. I'm convinced to this day it was meant as a hug and a nudge... don't worry, you'll make it. And I did. Somewhere around 3-4 months it changed dramatically. Matt's colic was gone, they were on a consistent sleep schedule and sleeping from 6-midnight every night. I'd made it.

I know this sounds like I've hated motherhood with twins but that couldn't be further from the truth. Watching these beautiful faces grow and change has been the most amazing experience of my life. As they grew and became little people I watched them discover each other and themselves. Being a parent of twins is a unique experience not just because there are two but their differences are so much more obvious because they are developing at the same time. June is a ray of sunshine, no other way to put it. She is genuinely happy to see everyone and fills the room with joy (just like her namesake). We've always called her our little fidget and she is to this day. The world is so exciting she can't stand to sit still for fear she'll miss something. Matt is a rough and tumble man's man and who is hell bent on turning our walls and furniture into swiss cheese. He is smart and SO sweet. Since he was born he would mold to your body when you picked him up, some of my best sleep was when he was cuddled next to me. Oh and he is a charmer, ladies beware his eyes. Both are just such amazing little spirits and I have the privilege of being their mother seeing these little personalities jump out. Granted these traits would be obvious to any mother but just like Champagne and strawberries they bring out the beauty in each other.

*sniff*